Blind dates. The simultaneous friend and foe of every single girl out there. Well meaning friends and family always seem to have a guy they think would be "just right" for you. All my experiences with said men have lead me to believe 1 of 2 things: either my family and friends don't really know me at all, or, they really don't know these men they think would be "just right". There are no other logical explanation for why they would continue to orchestrate dates that, to date, have no hope of producing a lasting relationship.
And yet I, and I am sure you, continue to go on these dates. Why? Why do we put ourselves through the agony that can be a blind date? Allow me to explain using The Three H's Model of the Blind Dating Cycle. I think it will help to clear up a process that can only be described as insanity (Einstein's definition states that insanity is continuing to repeat the same action hoping to get a different result-is that not the blind dating scene in a nutshell??) And so I give you-The Three H's Model of Blind Dating. We begin with H number 1:
The Hype
During this stage of the cycle your friend, cousin, aunt, co-worker etc. introduces you to the idea of a blind date with the "perfect guy for you". His virtues and pleasing attributes are listed like the record of a prime race horse. Job? Yes, a wonderful one. Drug habit? Oh, no, he's the nicest guy! Hard working, ambitious, sweet, funny, intelligent, attractive. You start to think, wow. This could be it. The one I've been waiting for. This is the story I'll be telling our grandchildren in 60 years. My friends, you have just been fed-THE HYPE. We are now ready for stage 2.
The Hope
You've been fed the hype. You've taken a heaping spoonful and you're beginning to think things may actually work this time. The tentative pre-date texts, calls or emails have been witty, sweet, ethusiastivc. You've covered some basic getting to know you stuff and somewhere deep down the hope has started to bloom. This blind date will be unlike all the others. This guy will get you. You'll have instant chemistry. There will be no awkward pauses in the conversation, no surreptitiously checking your watch praying that it is almost time to go home, change into your pj's and watch re-runs of Grey's. He won't wait three days to call again, he will barely be able to wait three hours you've had such a magical time. He'll find you charming, gorgeous and wonder where you've been all his life. You'll be thrilled you finally found "the one". In your euphorically hopeful state, you pick out your favorite, most flattering outfit. You discuss hairstyles, jewelry and shoe options with your friends. You spend the day of the date in a marathon session of grooming and mentally prepping yourself to be confident, funny, smart, and somehow "yourself". This one is going to work. This is the one you've been waiting for, this is-THE HOPE. And after the hope comes...
The Horror
Yep. You were freaking wrong. This guy is not the one. He isn't even the three millionth. His jeans are tapered. He asks you to meet him at Red Robin and then goes to Applebee's and says he's sorry you've gotten "confused". He orderes a quesa-dill-a burger while proudly showing off a pictures of his diapered nephew cuddling a case of Bud Light.
Or maybe he is actually nice, funny, smart et al. But there's no zing, no zip. He manages to be at once pushy and a pushover. The thought of 60 years with him? Grey's and the couch are sounding better and better. You tell yourself to give him a second chance and then spend days in a near panic at the thought of him really liking you and you having to tactfully extract yourself from a relationship you only kind of maybe wanted. And then find yourself feeling inexplicably slighted when apparently he felt the same way you did and you never hear from him again. Never mind you weren't sold on him. Shouldn't he have liked you anyway?
Or horror of horrors you genuinely like him for once and the feeling is not reciprocated. Ouch. That stings.
And in once of the scenarios above or a variation thereof we find-THE HORROR.
And so the question remains-why, oh, why do we continue to put ourselves through this vicious cycle. Why do we subject ourselves to the emotional roller coaster when the result is inevitably the same EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME.
It's the 2nd H folks. It's the hope that keeps us coming back for more hype, more horror. Because one time, just one time when someone blessedly gets it right will make all the awkwardness worth it. It will make all horrible, agonizing, never ending dates worth it.
At least that's what I tell myself. That's why they call it hope isn't it? I don't care for the term hopeless romantic. I prefer to think of myself as a hopeful one. So I'll try to focus on stage 2-on the hope. Because let's be honest. That is absolutely ALL that is going to propel you through the hype and the horror to get you to what you've been waiting for.
So, you know this guy huh? Tell me more.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Quotable Quotes
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. (Joshua 1:9 KJV)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Observations from the Gym
In no particular order:
1. Men at the gym should be required to wear shorts of a certain length-at minimum-to the knees. Anything else is just...gross.
Addendum: This also should include ladies. Their shorts need not be knee length but I don't really enjoy seeing the lower curve of your buttocks while I'm working out, no matter how skinny or fit you are. Cover it up ladies. Cover it up.
2. Men in the weight room will look at a group of girls working out who have the audacity to talk/laugh/enjoy themselves with a certain degree of condescension and disdain. I paid to be here too boys. Get over it. Just because I am not grunting and puffing like a locomotive doesn't mean things aren't getting toned.
3. If you look at the whole crowd in the cardio room for long enough, much like a Magic Eye picture, their bodies will begin to move in a common rhythm...magical. Sweaty-but magical.
4. It should, in my opinion, be illegal to work out in any of the following: velour suits (my God the sweat!), jeans (on the treadmill, for shame), shoes with no socks (need I say more?) and any variety of slip on canvas shoes (i.e. Toms etc.).
5. Singing along with your iPod should, in my opinion, be perfectly acceptable and in fact encouraged. I mean everyone else is blasting their's, so what's the harm? But let one line of Beyonce slip through your lips (or heaven forbid a small shimmy to go with it) and that one serious, puffing weight lifter who is too serious to need the distraction of music will give you the stink eye. Lighten up dude. You already look like Schwarzenegger circa 1980. Go home and eat some cake.
1. Men at the gym should be required to wear shorts of a certain length-at minimum-to the knees. Anything else is just...gross.
Addendum: This also should include ladies. Their shorts need not be knee length but I don't really enjoy seeing the lower curve of your buttocks while I'm working out, no matter how skinny or fit you are. Cover it up ladies. Cover it up.
2. Men in the weight room will look at a group of girls working out who have the audacity to talk/laugh/enjoy themselves with a certain degree of condescension and disdain. I paid to be here too boys. Get over it. Just because I am not grunting and puffing like a locomotive doesn't mean things aren't getting toned.
3. If you look at the whole crowd in the cardio room for long enough, much like a Magic Eye picture, their bodies will begin to move in a common rhythm...magical. Sweaty-but magical.
4. It should, in my opinion, be illegal to work out in any of the following: velour suits (my God the sweat!), jeans (on the treadmill, for shame), shoes with no socks (need I say more?) and any variety of slip on canvas shoes (i.e. Toms etc.).
5. Singing along with your iPod should, in my opinion, be perfectly acceptable and in fact encouraged. I mean everyone else is blasting their's, so what's the harm? But let one line of Beyonce slip through your lips (or heaven forbid a small shimmy to go with it) and that one serious, puffing weight lifter who is too serious to need the distraction of music will give you the stink eye. Lighten up dude. You already look like Schwarzenegger circa 1980. Go home and eat some cake.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Quotable Quotes
As seen on a shirt at the gym:
You can pay for school,
But you can't buy class.
Amen.
You can pay for school,
But you can't buy class.
Amen.
Facebook is Not a Laundromat
So please, for the love of all that is good and pure, don't air your dirty laundry on there.
Now before everyone gets all defensive I fully realize that Facebook and it's uses are a personal matter. You can use it for whatever form or function that you like. Me? Entertainment and keeping up with friends (and enemies-bwa-ha-ha!!!) Others use it for business, for sharing their faith or their politics. Fine-to each their own. It's a free country and a free social medium.
But where I draw the line is those people who feel the need to utter their every thought, bodily function, marital spat and activity throughtout the day. TMI people!! Way too much. And I could pretty much go the rest of my life without knowing these little status jewels. To quote Thomas Haden Chruch from the movie Easy A:
"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?"
Too true. I "Like" this more than I can say.
Now before everyone gets all defensive I fully realize that Facebook and it's uses are a personal matter. You can use it for whatever form or function that you like. Me? Entertainment and keeping up with friends (and enemies-bwa-ha-ha!!!) Others use it for business, for sharing their faith or their politics. Fine-to each their own. It's a free country and a free social medium.
But where I draw the line is those people who feel the need to utter their every thought, bodily function, marital spat and activity throughtout the day. TMI people!! Way too much. And I could pretty much go the rest of my life without knowing these little status jewels. To quote Thomas Haden Chruch from the movie Easy A:
"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?"
Too true. I "Like" this more than I can say.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Just a Small Town Girl, Living in a Tech-y World....
I think Drew Barrymore's character Mary said it best in "He's Just Not That Into You":
"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."
Word. To your mother.
It is exhausting-freaking exhausting. Don't we all just long for the day when a guy just picked up the phone and CALLED us? Or didn't.
Either way it was straightforward. Simple. To the point. No seeing if he was "online". Agonizing over why for the love of all that is holy he won't "chat" with you if he is. No Face-stalking-attempting to decipher based on his "interests" and 5.2 million photos if you would be compatible or not. No struggling in vain to interpret a text that could quite possibly have a double meaning. Or no meaning at all Or that could just mean he's just a jackass.
Sigh. I need a nap just writing about it.
Don't get me wrong. I love technology. I am the proud owner of many forms of it. But I agree with Mary-it is exhausting! Checking in and trying to connect on all these different levels. I would much prefer a guy just be a man about it and call me. Plus that gives the added bonus of trying to decipher by his voice if you're compatible. :)
Because let's face it ladies (and here is a heads up for any male readers). Even if you stripped us down to the most basic forms of communication we are still going to agonize and analyze over every measly bit of information we have. It's just the way we roll. Or the way this girl does at least. Pretty sure I'm not alone.
My word of advice? If you're a dude-keep it simple. If you like us, call us-ON THE PHONE and ask us out. If it goes well call again. Try not to wait too long-we think you follow that 3 day rule even if you really don't. If you don't like us, don't call. But for pete's sake don't say you're going to call if you're not. We hate that. Really. A lot.
And ladies, try not to over analyze. Let things go however they are meant to go. That's what going to happen anyway no matter how much you think about it and talk about it with your friends. I know it's hard to resist. I myself am going to be hard-pressed to take my own advice as I am the world's worst over-analyzer. But try. I'm going to :)
***Disclaimer-I am barely old enough to have experienced the days when calling on the phone was the only option-and yet-I can totally and completely see the merit and advantages to it! That is all.
"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."
Word. To your mother.
It is exhausting-freaking exhausting. Don't we all just long for the day when a guy just picked up the phone and CALLED us? Or didn't.
Either way it was straightforward. Simple. To the point. No seeing if he was "online". Agonizing over why for the love of all that is holy he won't "chat" with you if he is. No Face-stalking-attempting to decipher based on his "interests" and 5.2 million photos if you would be compatible or not. No struggling in vain to interpret a text that could quite possibly have a double meaning. Or no meaning at all Or that could just mean he's just a jackass.
Sigh. I need a nap just writing about it.
Don't get me wrong. I love technology. I am the proud owner of many forms of it. But I agree with Mary-it is exhausting! Checking in and trying to connect on all these different levels. I would much prefer a guy just be a man about it and call me. Plus that gives the added bonus of trying to decipher by his voice if you're compatible. :)
Because let's face it ladies (and here is a heads up for any male readers). Even if you stripped us down to the most basic forms of communication we are still going to agonize and analyze over every measly bit of information we have. It's just the way we roll. Or the way this girl does at least. Pretty sure I'm not alone.
My word of advice? If you're a dude-keep it simple. If you like us, call us-ON THE PHONE and ask us out. If it goes well call again. Try not to wait too long-we think you follow that 3 day rule even if you really don't. If you don't like us, don't call. But for pete's sake don't say you're going to call if you're not. We hate that. Really. A lot.
And ladies, try not to over analyze. Let things go however they are meant to go. That's what going to happen anyway no matter how much you think about it and talk about it with your friends. I know it's hard to resist. I myself am going to be hard-pressed to take my own advice as I am the world's worst over-analyzer. But try. I'm going to :)
***Disclaimer-I am barely old enough to have experienced the days when calling on the phone was the only option-and yet-I can totally and completely see the merit and advantages to it! That is all.
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